On getting Un-Knocked Up

Warning: Sort of Spoiler Alert... If you haven't seen Knocked Up yet, you might want to vaminos. But I'm not giving away the big surprise ending or anything.

Okay. I'll start by saying that I ROTFLOL'd during Knocked Up. Judd Apatow's a funny dude. There's no question about it.

But WTFuck was up with the weird pro-life message?

Look at Alison's situation. Early 20's, about to get her own gig as a TV personality, gets preggered by some random d-bag she doesn't know. In the real world, that would be an automatic abortion situation. Seriously.

As my friend Melanie put it, "it would have been a short movie if it was pro choice". Touche. But what bothered me was the way they portrayed the pro-choice characters in the film as monsters, and the way they treat abortion - quite literally - as a dirty word. "Schmaschmortion"?!?!? Are you kidding me?

I think this actually takes away from the film... My "willingness to suspend my disbelief" was taking serious punches when the only two voices of reason were the wicked mother, who tells Alison that she can "take care of it" now and have a "real baby" later, and Ben's dumb, fat, stoner friend who "won't say the A word".

And I don't even mean to say "voice of reason" because abortion was the right choice. They were the voice of reason, because schmaschmortion is, indeed, a second, reasonable option, and to rule it out so automatically is unreasonable. To treat it as an impossibility, I think, was an insult to the viewer.

All the movie needed was an impetus for Alison to want the baby. Maybe seeing her sister's adorable kids playing outside... I don't know... Anything more than having the baby simply because it's what ya do.

There are ways this movie could have worked without glossing over abortion as a silly non-option.

If you think I'm being paranoid liberaljew, check out the Evangelical Outpost review. They give it a "pat on the back".

Also, BTW, did anyone else notice the subliminal message in the doctor's office waiting room?

The Mighty Ducks and their Mighty Maze-like Vaginas

Dear friends and family in cyberspace,

Sorry it's been so long since my last transmission. I've been very, very busy.

First of all, big shout-out to the Mighty Ducks on winning Stanley's cup! This is one small step for a hockey team, but one giant leap for the Walt Disney Company.

Second, I want to pour out a little liquor for my old friends, Emma and Enrique. I don't know if they're alive or not, but I haven't seen them in quite some time, so I can only assume...

In the Spring of 2005, Brian, Jen, and I shared 2 ducks. They were adorable, for about 15 minutes, and then they started shitting everywhere, and smelling, and quacking. I guess we should have researched the first thing about ducks before getting our own ducklings. But they were too cute to resist. Please see diagram below.

Here they are as babies:















This is Emma all grown up:



And this is Enrique and Emma playing together in the pool:



Anyways, despite their flaws, we loved them, and gave them a happy home. In May of '05, we were moving out of that house, and it was time to set the ducks free, so they could be with other ducks. It's the proudest moment in any parent's life, when you get to see your baby off, as they start their journey into adult-hood. So we took them to the pond, to be with all the other ducks...

And then disaster struck.

As soon as we set Emma and Enrique free, they were immediately gang-raped by a bunch of mallards. The mallards were biting down on the back of their necks (both of them... turns out Enrique was a lady), and pushing them into the water, while they had their way with our precious little duckies. It was horrible.

...Which brings me to the whole point of this blog. Female ducks are developing crazy, spiral, "maze-like" vaginas to defend themselves from vicous duck-rapists. And apparently it's working, but the males are also developing crazy, twisted penises so that they can keep up. And the penises are evolving specifically to match the crazy twisted vagina of their matching species of duck, creating a lock-and-key duck-vagina security system.

It's very interesting, and you can read all about it here! Thanks to my friend Jessie for sharing that article with me, and thank you God for evolving ducks to become rape-proof.

And hey, if the evolution of duck genitalia isn't what gets you going, that's cool. Maybe you like crazy Japananese human art?